Evil Spirit, Be Exorcised
by AGirlNamedEd
Summary: A young woman summons an incubus to be her boyfriend. Fortunately, renowned exorcist Tenshinhan is hired and put on the case. Unfortunately, Tenshinhan is actually a con artist and has no idea how to actually exorcise a demon. Fortunately, he manages to get the demon to leave the house. Unfortunately, he does so by promising himself to it. This can only end well.


"By order of the King of the World, interpreter of the will of Tian, I command you to leave this place!"

The demon howled in rage and anguish, but Tenshinhan stood firm. Mighty winds whipped past, emanating from the demon and threatening to drive him back. Tenshinhan held his talisman in front of him, all three eyes narrowed against the wind. "Evil spirit," he said, in his loudest, most commanding voice, "be exorcised!"

It screamed, a wretched, high-pitched sound wracked with pain that seemed to rip through the minds of every onlooker in attendance. Many winced and covered their ears, even though the sound reverberated mentally, not physically. Tenshinhan's hand whipped out and threw the talisman onto the demon's forehead, and with a final wail, it disappeared in a last burst of wind.

The dust settled and Tenshinhan absently brushed some from his sleeve before turning to the assembled crowd. He gave a low bow. "The demon has been defeated, and will ravage this land no more."

A hoarse cheer went up from the crowd, and Tenshinhan straightened with a smile. He scanned the area for his employer, a middle-aged man with an ugly face and an even uglier temper. Sure enough, there was Mr. Yu, rushing through the crowd towards him, shoving people out of his way. For the first time since he'd appeared at Tenshinhan's house to hire him, he was grinning from ear to ear. Somehow, it didn't help make his face any more attractive. Tenshinhan fought the urge to wrinkle his nose. A client was a client, after all. Instead, he kept his smile, and shook Mr. Yu's hand, and accepted his payment for exorcising the vicious demon that had terrorised his company for the last week.

What a bunch of idiots.

* * *

"Okay, honestly?" Tenshinhan said, stretching. "I think Yu was our easiest mark yet."

Chiaotzu shrugged. "For you, maybe. I'm the one who has to play the demon, remember? Convincing his secretary I was a demon and not just the product of her chronic migraines? That was _hard_."

"And yet you did it perfectly. Yu never suspected that the 'demon' was just a kid with psychic powers." Tenshinhan waved the cheque he'd received as payment. "And with this little number, we're set for the next six months."

"That's the power of a reputation, boy."

Tenshinhan scrambled to his feet to bow alongside Chiaotzu. Tsuru-senin, the Crane Master, folded his hands behind his back and held his chin high as he regarded his two pupils. Behind him, his brother, Tao Pai Pai, did the same. "You see?" he said, a wry smirk on his face. "In this business, your reputation is almost as important as the scam itself. If your reputation precedes you, few will ask questions, and those who do are easily dealt with."

Tenshinhan eyed Tao Pai Pai. "We understand, Tsuru-senin."

"Good." Tsuru-senin produced a sheet of paper and handed it to Tenshinhan. "Here's the next assignment. I suggest you prepare accordingly. Tao and I will be conducting our own business in town if you require us."

"Yes, Tsuru-senin."

Once the brothers had left, Tenshinhan dropped to the ground with a sigh. He had all the respect in the world for his teachers, but one day he'd like to get out from their shadow and go into business himself. He wouldn't change his practises, of course—what Tsuru-senin had taught him about 'exorcising' and Tao Pai Pai had taught him about 'fighting demons' was useful information, after all. And having a little brother with psychic powers made the con so much easier. According to Tao Pai Pai, back before they'd taken Tenshinhan and Chiaotzu in, it was much harder to convince clients that they were actually being haunted.

But he'd tried that once before, and been dragged back again and soundly beaten by Tao Pai Pai. He wasn't too eager to give it another go.

"Tien?" Chiaotzu asked. "What's wrong?"

He smiled wryly at his brother. "Nothing, Chiaotzu. Just tired." He scanned the page. "Looks like the next mark is a retired politician. Do you remember the one who tried to make tabloids illegal?"

"No."

"Well, that was this guy." Tenshinhan turned the paper around to show Chiaotzu. "He's old, and an idiot, so you don't have to feel too bad about this one, okay?"

Chiaotzu frowned at the picture of their new mark's face. "I don't like him."

"Good. Then you won't feel bad when you pretend to be a baby vampire and scare the pants off him."

The door slammed open and a man came rushing into the house. Tenshinhan shoved the paper at Chiaotzu and scrambled to stand. "Sir!" he snapped. "This is private property!"

"Please!" The man grabbed Tenshinhan by the front of his shirt. "You have to help! My daughter—she's summoned a demon!"

Tenshinhan's blood froze. "Wh-what?" That couldn't be right. This wasn't one of Chiaotzu's tricks—Tsuru-senin had only just given them their next assignment! More than that, this definitely wasn't the politician they were supposed to go for next. Tenshinhan knew his face, so he was certain he was famous, but he had glasses and a moustache, whereas their upcoming client didn't.

So who the hell was this?

"Aren't you Tenshinhan, the famous exorcist?" the man demanded. He was nearly hysterical. He shook Tenshinhan by his shirt. "You have to get rid of it! I'll pay you handsomely, I promise—money is no object!"

Oh, this was bad. If he was right, and there was a real, actual demon somewhere out there, then Tenshinhan was in big trouble. There was no way he was equipped to deal with an actual demon. But he straightened his shoulders and detached the man's hands from his shirt. "Sir, I need you to stay calm. Don't worry. I'll take your case. Just stay calm and tell me what happened."

The man wrung his hands fretfully. "My daughter…well, she's a typical young woman, you know. Wants a boyfriend so badly she actually tried to wish one into existence once. Didn't work, so she decided to try a different tactic."

"Wishing boyfriends into existence and then summoning demons to get a boyfriend doesn't really seem like typical young woman behaviour," Tenshinhan said flatly. He didn't have much experience with women, but he was pretty sure that was the case.

"That's not important right now! The important thing is, she did it, and now there's a demon in my house _seducing_ her!"

"S-seducing?" Tenshinhan balked. "It's a _succubus_?"

"No, no, it's the male one, an incubus."

Tenshinhan stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Oh. Of course." There was a difference? "Well, I…I suppose I don't have any clients right now." He couldn't say no. Not with Tsuru-senin and Tao Pai Pai out. Whenever they got a real client, an actual demon, one of them dealt with it—usually Tao Pai Pai. But they weren't there. And if he said he couldn't do it, it would hurt his reputation. He couldn't risk that, not after the whole speech Tsuru-senin had just given about the importance of a good reputation. "Where do you live, mister?"

"Doctor, actually." The man drew himself up to his full height, which wasn't much, and seemed to relax significantly once he knew Tenshinhan would be on the case. "Dr. Briefs."

* * *

Tenshinhan swallowed. "So when you said Dr. Briefs, you meant…"

"Dr. Briefs of Capsule Corp, yes." He led Tenshinhan around the building complex that served as office buildings, factories, and living space for the largest scientific facility in the world. "My daughter's room is this way."

"B-but—" Tenshinhan looked back at the field of reporters and onlookers swarming along behind them. This always ended up happening, and most of the time Tenshinhan was fine with it—encouraged it, even. Anything to get more visible in the public eye. But for this… "I know I usually work in the public eye, Doctor, but I think for this one it'd be better if I was alone. Incubi are very dangerous, high level demons, capable of seducing anyone. If a crowd this big were to be exposed to that…" He trailed off, shaking his head. "Things would devolve into chaos, and it would be harder for me to do my job with no one getting hurt. Fortunately, as an exorcist, I'm immune to the demon's charms." He gave himself a mental pat on the back. Coming up with a convincing lie was never easy, but Tenshinhan was nothing if not quick on his feet.

"Well, if you say so." Dr. Briefs ushered him inside and pointed up the stairs. "Bulma's room is the first one on the left. Please, keep my little girl safe!" And with that, he'd scurried outside again.

Tenshinhan breathed a sigh of relief. At least he'd gotten Dr. Briefs to agree easily enough. He didn't want anyone seeing him get bloodily dismembered if he pissed the demon off too much. Sure, Tao Pai Pai had taught him more fighting moves than he'd ever had to use in his life, but against a real demon, he didn't stand a snowball's chance in Hell.

He cautiously crept up the stairs, keeping his eyes peeled. Tenshinhan had never done much research into sex demons before, so he wasn't sure what to expect. It wasn't as though Chiaotzu would be impersonating one any time soon, given his age, so he'd figured he wouldn't need to know about them. He'd had time for a quick refresher from Tsuru-senin's notes on the way to Capsule Corp in Dr. Briefs's car, but all he'd really gotten from it was that incubi and succubae may or may not be the same demons in different forms, and also they thrived on sexual energy. So nothing he didn't already know.

A sound caught his ear as he reached the top of the stairs. He strained to hear better. It was coming from the first door on the left, the one covered in posters of boy bands and motorcycles. Bulma's room.

Someone was crying.

Tenshinhan burst into the room, talisman at the ready. "B-by the power—order—of the Emperor—I mean King of the World—" He stopped. "Um. Is…everything okay?"

A young woman, probably around Tenshinhan's age, was kneeling in front of a wardrobe. The crying was coming from inside the wardrobe. The woman had been trying to coax something out of the closet, but when Tenshinhan burst in she turned to look up at him with wide, confused eyes. "What the hell are you doing in my room?" she demanded. She tossed her blue braid over her shoulder and glared at him. "I'm doing just fine, thanks, so you can tell my dad I don't need an exorcism."

The crying stopped. "An exorcist?" said a voice from the closet. Tenshinhan swallowed. That was the demon for sure.

"Bulma, I presume," Tenshinhan said. "I think you'd better leave. I'm exorcising this demon whether you like it or not."

Bulma stood and stalked up to him. "Listen, bucko, I summoned this guy to be my boyfriend. I _want_ him here. You're not playing the hero around here. So take your talismans and shove them—"

"I'm _saved_!" Something launched itself from the closet, and before Tenshinhan could get a good look at it it had bounded over the bed and leapt into his arms. Tenshinhan stumbled and instinctively wrapped his arms around it, bewildered. "Oh, thank Dabura," the demon sobbed. "Get me out of here, please!" Its face was buried in Tenshinhan's shoulder, and Tenshinhan suddenly realised it was almost completely naked.

He dropped the demon on the floor and backed away, stammering incoherently while his face turned red. He bumped into the wall and did his best to tear his eyes away from the demon's body and back to Bulma's face. "Y-you—you summoned a _demon_ —to be your boyfriend?! Are you insane? I thought you were supposed to be some world-renowned genius! How could you do something so boneheaded?!"

Her hackles rose and she bared her teeth. "Listen up, you! I don't have to explain myself to you! So maybe I find human boys boring, is that a _crime_?"

"No," Tenshinhan shot back, "but summoning demons is almost always a death sentence! You're lucky your father came to get me! Now go on, get out of here so I can deal with him!

Bulma shot a last glare at him, then turned it on the demon. "Damn guy can't even _look_ at me properly," she spat. "I summon a demon boyfriend and what do I get? A damn loser." She stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

The demon slowly uncurled itself from the fetal position it had curled into on the ground. "Is she gone?" he asked.

Tenshinhan clutched his talisman in front of his chest and stared at the demon. It was his first time seeing a real one. The closest he'd ever gotten was seeing pictures in the research books Tsuru-senin had. He looked mostly human from what Tenshinhan could see—and he could see _everything_. Oh, gods. He turned his face away again, swallowing, trying to force himself to concentrate. It was the first time he'd ever seen anyone other than himself naked, too. Technically, he was wearing some kind of underwear that didn't hide much, and garter belts around his beautifully toned thighs, but that was hardly enough to be called clothes.

And oh, but he was good looking, for a demon. Wavy black hair hung down his back, two long, curly horns poking out from underneath it on the sides of his head. The demon rolled onto his back and sat up, a long, thin tail curling and twisting behind him as he stared steadily up at Tenshinhan. A smile, thin and wicked with just a hint of the fangs behind the lips, spread itself across the demon's face. "Oh," he said, "you're not a real exorcist, are you?"

Tenshinhan sputtered. "What are you talking about? Of course I am! I'm Tenshinhan, the highly renowned exorcist!"

The demon raised an eyebrow, leaning his arms on his parted knees. "Well, if you _are_ an exorcist, you're terrible at your job. You just broke the first rule of dealing with demons: never give your name. Names are power, Tenshinhan. Someone who's not as nice as me might use that against you." He winked, and Tenshinhan realised he had beautiful long eyelashes. "But you just saved me from my worst nightmare, so I won't, and we'll call it even." He stood and stretched, showing himself off. Tenshinhan looked away. "Oh, you're shy," the demon cooed. "That's so sweet." He looked around. "Well, thanks for your help, but I've got a quota to meet. Ciao."

"Wait!" Tenshinhan fumbled with the talisman and thrust it out towards the demon. "I can't just let you walk away! You're a demon, I'm an exorcist! That's not how this works!"

"Oh yeah?" The demon turned back to him, hands on his hips, leaning slightly towards Tenshinhan. "And how would you know, hm? Let me guess: you're either brand new to this business, or you're a con man who pretends to exorcise demons for lots of cash." Tenshinhan flinched. How had he known? "The second one, huh? Thought so." The demon straightened and took a step towards Tenshinhan. Tenshinhan took an involuntary step back. "So, Tenshinhan, here's what's going to happen. I have a job to do, and I'm here in this house anyway—seems like a big place, I should be able to find somebody around here who'll sleep with me."

"Like you slept with that girl?" Tenshinhan shot back. He wouldn't be intimidated. He wouldn't. "You sure seemed to be doing a great job of seducing her."

To his surprise, the demon turned sheepish. "I was…careless. I didn't realise she'd be so…" He trailed off, waving vaguely. "Pretty. But I'm sure there's a nice plain maid or something I can sleep with. I'll get what I came for, and since you 'stopped' me from sleeping with that Bulma woman, you'll still get your payment." He took another step forward, and Tenshinhan mirrored it with a step back. He was completely mesmerised by the demon's eyes—blacker than the night sky, flecked with bits of colour, different depending on how the light caught them. Red, then gold, then blue, then red again. Tenshinhan struggled to pay attention. "So, like I said. Thanks for the help. But I'm going now, and a fake exorcist like you isn't going to stop me."

"W-wait," Tenshinhan stammered, "please." He clutched his talisman in both hands and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to clear his head. "I just—I can't let you just walk out. I know I'm not really an exorcist but—I was hired to get rid of a demon. Whether it's for the daughter of the house or a servant or anyone else doesn't matter, because I need you out of this house and gone. Do you understand me? Gone. Discreetly, if possible."

"Are you…" The demon shook his head incredulously, laughter bubbling up from his throat. For a demon, it had a beautiful laugh. "Are you seriously trying to order _me_ around? Me, a demon, being ordered around by a scam of an exorcist! Oh, that's too rich."

"Please," Tenshinhan begged, "you have to. Just…leave this house, this company, alone, and I'll give you anything."

The demon abruptly stopped laughing. "Oh, Tenshinhan." Another step forward, and now Tenshinhan's back was pressed to the wall as the demon leaned forward to cup his chin in one hand. "You'd best be careful using the 'a' word around demons. You're lucky I'm so nice."

Tenshinhan's breath caught as the demon's tail came up to trail down the side of his face. "Anything," he repeated. "You said you had a quota to fill, right? I'll—I'll be a mark on that quota if it means you'll leave here without anyone seeing you and never come back."

"Well." The demon's grin was a little crooked up close. "I'm not sure I can resist an offer like that." He patted Tenshinhan's cheek and slipped away. "I'll be by later to…collect." And with that, he was gone. Tenshinhan slid down the wall and buried his face in his hands.

By the gods. What had he just done?

* * *

When Tenshinhan returned to the house, a wave of relief washed over him when he saw that Tsuru-senin and Tao Pai Pai were still out. The first thing he did was swear Chiaotzu to silence. He didn't want their teachers to know what he'd done.

Chiaotzu pestered him for details about what happened, but Tenshinhan brushed him off. "It's over," he told him. "That's all I'm saying about it."

He couldn't tell Chiaotzu what he'd done. He _couldn't_. He'd bargained with a demon. Not just any demon, but an incubus. And he had no idea what he'd even agreed to. For all he knew, he'd just signed his soul away.

Tenshinhan had a hollow feeling in his gut for the rest of the day. He kept an eye over his shoulder at all times. Every time Chiaotzu left the room Tenshinhan wondered if it would be the last time he'd ever see him. He followed Chiaotzu around constantly, and if Chiaotzu thought his behaviour strange he never mentioned it.

Tsuru-senin returned home before Tao Pai Pai, grinning and triumphant. He produced a thick wad of cash and doled it out between them, leaving Tao Pai Pai's share in a little pile for him. Tenshinhan wasn't entirely sure where Tsuru-senin and Tao Pai Pai got their money from, but he decided not to question it. It was probably better not to, anyway. He tucked his share away and went to the kitchen to start on dinner.

After supper, he hugged Chiaotzu goodnight, and if Chiaotzu noticed that Tenshinhan squeezed him a little tighter, held him a little longer, he didn't mention it. Keeping his face blank and his back straight, Tenshinhan walked to his room, shut the door, and waited.

An hour passed with no demon. Tenshinhan wasn't sure what to expect. Would he just appear, the same way he'd disappeared without a trace earlier? Would Tenshinhan even see him coming, or would he be meditating one minute and gone the next?

It wasn't doing Tenshinhan any favours to sit and stress over it. He stood from the floor, abandoning his meditations, and instead crawled into bed. Maybe if he was asleep, it would be swift and painless.

Something jolted Tenshinhan awake and he sat bolt upright in a cold sweat. His room was pitch black, and even with his third eye he strained to see even outlines of shapes. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he scanned his room. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Tenshinhan breathed a sigh of relief and fell back on his pillow. He almost wished the demon would hurry up and get it over with. He was a nervous wreck.

A sharp tap came from the window and Tenshinhan flew to his feet. He backed away from the window, eyeing it warily. He told himself he was overreacting; it was probably just a tree branch or the stray cat that Chiaotzu liked to feed sometimes. But he still couldn't make himself go check.

Another tap, louder and more insistent. Tenshinhan swallowed and steeled himself. He'd done this to himself. Now he'd have to live—or not—with the consequences.

Cautiously, he edged across the room towards the window, stifling a curse when he stubbed his toe on his desk chair. Peering outside, he couldn't make anything out. It somehow seemed even darker outside than in his room.

Then a face appeared in the window and Tenshinhan clapped a hand over his mouth to cover his scream as he fell backwards. He scrambled to his feet and looked back outside and sure enough, there was the demon, looking bemused and shaking his head. The demon mimed opening the window, and Tenshinhan swallowed, but complied, moving away immediately after. The demon climbed in through the window and closed it behind him, then stood in front of Tenshinhan with his hands on his hips and his head slightly tilted. He was nearly impossible to see, but to Tenshinhan it almost looked like he was judging him. Then the demon nodded once in satisfaction and moved towards Tenshinhan.

"W-wait," Tenshinhan stammered, backing up. "You—is this going to hurt?"

Pearly white fangs appeared in a grin that seemed to glow in the darkness. "Not if I do it right." He held out his hand to Tenshinhan. "Come on, now. You owe me a debt. It's time to pay it."

Mentally apologising to Chiaotzu, Tenshinhan warily took a step forward. "I still don't know your name," he pointed out, eyeing the demon's hand as though taking it would burn him. For all he knew, it just might. "Shouldn't I at least know the name of the demon who'll be my undoing?"

"Telling me your name was your own mistake," the demon shot back. "But I like the sound of 'undoing,' and I really don't think you know how to use the power of names to your advantage, so alright. You may call me Yamcha."

Tenshinhan raised an eyebrow. "Is that your real name?"

"Is that your business?" Yamcha wiggled his fingers. "Come on, Tenshinhan, you have a bargain to fill. You don't have to worry. I'm very good at my job."

"You were crying in a closet when I showed up."

"Semantics," Yamcha said dismissively. "Now put your money where your mouth is."

Tenshinhan steeled himself and reached for Yamcha's hand. He scarcely had time to register the triumphant grin on Yamcha's face before he was yanked forward into a searing kiss. Surprised, he went limp against Yamcha for a moment before coming to his senses and struggling against him. Yamcha held him in place with both hands, his tail wrapped around Tenshinhan's waist as he ravished his mouth. Tenshinhan's hands pushed at Yamcha's shoulders in vain. His shouts of protest were stifled in Yamcha's mouth and only seemed to excite him further. There was something pressing into Tenshinhan's hip, and when Yamcha rolled his hips Tenshinhan suddenly realised what it was.

He gave a final shove and managed to push Yamcha away. His chest heaved, his heart pounded. He stared incredulously at Yamcha. "What the _fuck_ was that?"

Yamcha rolled his eyes. "It was a kiss, dumbass. A sign of affection, often a precursor to sex."

" _I know what a kiss is!_ " Tenshinhan hissed. "But what—why—how are you supposed to take my soul by kissing me?"

"Your soul?" Yamcha stared blankly at him. "Why would I want your soul?"

Tenshinhan faltered. "W-well—you're a demon, aren't you? Isn't that what you do? Take people's souls?"

"Yeah, _some_ demons do that," Yamcha conceded. "But not _all_ of us. Seriously, actually learn about the trade you're supposed to work in before scamming people. You're the worst con exorcist I've ever met, and I've met plenty."

"Th-then…" Tenshinhan faltered. "You're not here for my soul."

"No."

"So what _are_ you here for?"

Yamcha's smile turned seductive. "I figured that was obvious." He trailed one hand down Tenshinhan's face and chest, coming to a stop at the front of his pants. Tenshinhan bit his lip. "I'm an incubus," Yamcha reminded him. "I'm here for your dick."

"Y-you—!" Tenshinhan struggled to pull away, but Yamcha's other hand grabbed the front of his shirt and wouldn't let go. "I never agreed to this!"

"Yeah, you kinda did." Yamcha rubbed his palm in circles and Tenshinhan's breathing quickened. "You said, and I quote, 'I'll be a mark on that quota if it means you'll leave here without anyone seeing you and never come back.' Well, I left, and no one saw me. Hell, _you_ didn't see me. So I'm here to collect what I was promised." He started to pull Tenshinhan into another kiss, but Tenshinhan struggled and turned his head so he couldn't.

"You can't be serious," he said, squeezing his eyes shut in an effort to clear his head. It was difficult—there were so many emotions and hormones buzzing around his brain that he could barely remember how to speak, let alone what words to say. "I'm not—I don't—I've never—you can't!"

Yamcha snorted. "You were ready to give up your own soul, but not your virginity? You're an odd one."

"Said the man with horns coming from his head."

"Hey, I'm the prettiest incubus the world's ever seen," Yamcha shot back. "Now listen, if you don't pay your debt things are going to get ugly, so just relax, get on the bed, and let me take care of everything. How does that sound?" He kissed Tenshinhan again, softer, slower, then pulled back with a smirk. "Come on, Tenshinhan," he purred. "You won't regret this. You'll be begging me for more by the end of the night."

Tenshinhan could feel his resolve wavering, but he couldn't tell if it was because he actually wanted to find out how Yamcha could make him feel or if it was just his hormones talking. He jumped when Yamcha's tail made its way down the back of his pants, sliding across his ass. "I'm not ready for this," he said.

"You don't have to be ready." Yamcha's hands moved to Tenshinhan's hips, and there was a dizzying whirling moment, and Tenshinhan was on his back on the bed. "You don't even have to be good. You just have to consent. Say yes, and all the pleasures of the flesh are mine to give you."

Tenshinhan stared up at the demon hovering over him. Even in such darkness, he could see his eyes glittering like precious stones. They were half closed, sultry, full of want and promises and _need_. Tenshinhan shut his eyes again. If he let himself get lost in those eyes again, he might end up promising something else he shouldn't.

He took a deep breath. The sooner he got this over with, the sooner Yamcha could be out of his life forever. "I'm—"

The bedroom door creaked open and Tenshinhan shielded his eyes from the sudden light, squinting and blinking. Yamcha turned away from it, a low growl rising in his throat. "Tien?" Chiaotzu asked, staring wide-eyed at the scene before him. "I heard voices; what's going on?"

"Chiaotzu," Tenshinhan said, voice shaking. He didn't know what to do. He hadn't meant for Chiaotzu to find him like this. "Go back to your room."

Chiaotzu's eyes filled with tears. "What happened? What's going on?"

"Go to your room!" Tenshinhan snapped. "I'll explain everything later, but you need to go back to your room, now!"

"Is that the demon from this afternoon?" Chiaotzu clutched his precious doll, Ran Ran, to his chest. "You said you handled it!"

Yamcha muttered "he was _about_ to handle me" under his breath.

"Just go back to your room." Tenshinhan squirmed under Yamcha and tried to sit up. "Look, I'm fine, okay? Just go—"

"Nope, the mood's lost," Yamcha declared, sitting up and running his hands through his hair. "For Dabura's sake, if you'd just gone with it from the get-go, we wouldn't be having this problem."

Tenshinhan blinked up at him. "You're… _not_ going to force me to…"

"Hey, first of all, I wasn't going to _force_ you to do anything." Yamcha folded his arms. "I'm a demon with _standards_. I was just going to work my charms to make you see my point of view." He winked. "Secondly, I don't deal with kids." He nodded at Chiaotzu, still wide-eyed in the doorframe. "As soon as kids are involved, I'm out. But don't worry your pretty little head about it." He leaned over and kissed Tenshinhan's forehead, right above his third eye. "I'll come again to collect later." And with a sultry wink, he disappeared.

Chiaotzu scrambled across the floor and onto the bed as Tenshinhan sat up. "Tien, what was that? Are you okay? Should I go get Tsuru-senin?"

"No!" Tenshinhan clapped a hand over his mouth—that had come out a lot louder than he'd intended. "Don't bother Tsuru-senin. I'll deal with this on my own. But I'm not in danger, Chiaotzu. I promise I'll be safe." He hoped.

* * *

"Explain."

Yamcha waved cheerfully at Tenshinhan despite the death grip Tao Pai Pai had on his hair. Tao Pai Pai shook him, never once taking his eyes off Tenshinhan. "I found it skulking around the back of the house. It said it was here for you." He shook Yamcha again. "Explain. Now."

Tenshinhan held up his hands defensively. "Sir, it's okay, he's just an incubus."

"Oh! Good! _Just_ an incubus!" Tao Pai Pai threw Yamcha to the floor. "For a moment I was worried there was a _real demon_ hanging around our house and looking for you! What the hell did you do, boy?"

"I-I—" Tenshinhan hung his head, stayed on his knees on the ground. "I was called out to exorcise a real demon, and to make a long story short, now I owe him a debt."

"That's right," Yamcha confirmed cheerfully, sitting up. He didn't look at all upset by the situation. He sat with his legs bent to give Tenshinhan a full view of his body and winked at him.

"You're in debt to an incubus?" Tao Pai Pai said flatly. "Of all the stupid blunders. Get rid of it."

"Yeah, come over here and get rid of me." Yamcha bit his lip, showing a flash of fang, and smiled playfully at Tenshinhan. "All you have to do is let me—"

Tao Pai Pai kicked him. "You shut up and get out of the house. You aren't welcome here."

Yamcha grinned darkly up at him. "Listen, you're not my type, so I'm not even going to offer my services. But if you make me angry, I can make your life hell. Quite literally, actually. So let Tenshinhan and I settle this, hm?"

For the first time in his life, Tenshinhan watched Tao Pai Pai's resolve waver. Then he straightened his back and narrowed his eyes at Yamcha. "You think yourself to be clever, demon. Tricking an exorcist into making a bargain with you."

"Oh, there were no tricks." Yamcha twirled a finger in his hair, looking back at Tenshinhan seductively. "Tenshinhan here did that all on his own."

Tao Pai Pai glared at Tenshinhan, who said nothing. "Did he."

"And by the way, nobody in this house knows how to exorcise a demon." Yamcha rolled his eyes. "I've been exorcised enough times to know a real exorcist when I see one. You people don't even know how to make a proper talisman."

"Yamcha," Tenshinhan said, hands curling into fists on his knees, "stop talking."

He leaned forward, placing a hand on Tenshinhan's thigh to bring his face a hair's breadth away from Tenshinhan's. "And what will you do for me in return?"

Tao Pai Pai grabbed a fistful of Yamcha's hair and yanked. "You will get nothing," he commanded.

Without looking, Yamcha grabbed Tao Pai Pai's wrist and squeezed. There was a horrible popping noise and Tao Pai Pai screamed before collapsing to the ground. "Oh, don't be such a baby," Yamcha said, looking back at him, writhing on the ground and clutching his wrist. "It's dislocated at worst. Go to a hospital if it bothers you so much." He turned back to Tenshinhan. "So," he said, "if I stop talking and leave one more time, what am I getting in return?"

"I-I—" Tenshinhan watched Tao Pai Pai drag himself from the room, whimpering. He looked back to Yamcha and swallowed. "Did you have to do that?"

"He grabbed me." Yamcha shrugged. "I didn't want to be grabbed. Not by him, anyway." He winked. "Now, come on, Tenshinhan. What will you do in return for me leaving? Be specific, now. This will be favour number two, and you can be sure I'm keeping score."

Tenshinhan couldn't think properly, not with those glittering black eyes staring into his. "If you go away," he said carefully, "then later—when it comes time—I'll, um…I'll do something," he finished lamely.

Yamcha's face fell flat. "Oh. Wow. Something. Real specific there, Tenshinhan."

"Stop saying my name so much," Tenshinhan grumbled. "It's weird."

"I like your name." Yamcha leaned forward, pressing their chests together. His hot breath tickled Tenshinhan's ear. "So come on, Tenshinhan. Tell me what you'll give me in exchange."

"I-I don't know," he stuttered. "I don't know much about sex."

"That's okay." He ran a hand up Tenshinhan's thigh. "I do. Just tell me what you want, and I'll take the lead."

Tenshinhan swallowed and closed his eyes, leaning his head back to try and think properly. "I'll kiss you," he said. "If you go away for the rest of the day, when you come back, I'll kiss you."

"Well." Yamcha pulled back to smile at Tenshinhan, and for the first time it wasn't seductive, or playful, or even just amused. He looked…endeared. Possibly even enamored. "Aren't you the traditional romantic." When Tenshinhan started to stammer out something else, Yamcha placed a finger over his lips. "I'll hold you to that," he said with a wink. "See you tonight." And he was gone.

Tenshinhan immediately pulled himself to his feet and dashed off to lock himself in his room. He was going to end up signing away his soul yet.

* * *

"Tenshinhan."

"No."

"You promised."

" _No_."

Yamcha rubbed Tenshinhan's back—or what he assumed was his back. It was hard to tell where Tenshinhan was in the mess of blankets and pillows he'd buried himself in. "Exact words are important, Tenshinhan. You said, and I quote, 'when you come back, I'll kiss you.' I have a very good memory for this sort of thing, you know."

Tenshinhan's eyes appeared from underneath a pillow and he glared at Yamcha. "I hate you."

"You got yourself into this one." Yamcha shrugged and reached out to cup Tenshinhan's face. "Now come on out of there and kiss me."

Tenshinhan struggled to sit up, untangling himself from all his bedsheets. He sat facing Yamcha, eyes turned away.

"How'd you get the third eye?" Yamcha asked. It had been bothering him since they met, and he figured maybe some friendly small talk would help put Tenshinhan more at ease so he'd be more compliant with Yamcha's wishes.

"Years of meditation." Tenshinhan folded his arms. "How'd you get your horns?"

Yamcha preened, running a finger over one of them. "Genetics. Ready to kiss me yet?"

Tenshinhan unfolded his arms, clasped and unclasped his hands, and reached forward to take Yamcha by the shoulders. "Okay," he said uncertainly. "I guess." He took a deep breath, shut his eyes, and didn't move.

Yamcha waited a moment, then tapped the side of his head. "Tenshinhan? You in there?"

His third eye opened. "Are we going to kiss or not?"

"Oh, no." Yamcha glared at him. "I'm not initiating this one. I told you, exact words are important. _You_ have to kiss _me_ , not the other way around, or the deal won't be fulfilled and I'll just have to come back again. And we wouldn't want that, now would we? So kiss me already. We've done it once already. It's not that hard."

Tenshinhan squirmed. "Easy for you to say. You're an incubus. Kissing is something you do all the time."

"Now, now." Yamcha stroked a thumb over Tenshinhan's cheek. "Don't you go getting all self-conscious on me. No one ever said it had to be a _good_ kiss."

"Thanks," Tenshinhan said sarcastically. He closed his eye and leaned forward, and Yamcha closed his eyes and waited.

The kiss, when it came, wasn't very good. Tenshinhan didn't really seem to know what to do with his lips. They didn't move; he just held them against Yamcha's for a few seconds before moving away again. Yamcha opened his eyes in time to see Tenshinhan look down and bite his lip. He licked his lips. Oh, wow. For a big, strong, musclebound baldy, Tenshinhan was kind of adorable. Even if he didn't know how to kiss.

"Was that okay?" Tenshinhan asked apprehensively. He still wasn't looking at Yamcha.

"For the purposes of our agreement, yeah." Yamcha slid his tail under Tenshinhan's chin and tilted it up so he'd look at Yamcha. "But as a kiss…it wasn't that good." He leaned in. "Let me show you how it's done."

Unlike the last time Yamcha had kissed him, Tenshinhan tentatively accepted Yamcha's lips on his. Yamcha guided the kiss, keeping it slow and simple at first. He finally felt like he was getting somewhere with Tenshinhan. It wouldn't do to scare him off now. Tenshinhan followed his lead readily, moving his lips and leaning into Yamcha's touch when he brought his hand up to cup Tenshinhan's face. He smiled against Tenshinhan's lips and pressed his tongue against his mouth. He was met with little resistance and he easily slipped inside. Tenshinhan's breath caught and Yamcha sealed their mouths together, ravishing his mouth and bringing a hand down to dig fingers into Tenshinhan's thigh. Tenshinhan gasped and Yamcha pushed harder, moving up to straddle Tenshinhan's lap. Oh, yes. _Now_ they were getting somewhere.

Tenshinhan pulled away, breathing heavily, face flushed, eyes glazed. "Y-you're good at that," he panted.

"Mm. I should hope so." Yamcha ground his hips down and Tenshinhan choked. "Come on, Tenshinhan. That only cleared away part of your debt. You still owe me." He pushed Tenshinhan to the bed and hovered over him on all fours. "Time to pay up."

"Wait, I'm not—" But Yamcha ignored him and ripped the covers off, exposing Tenshinhan's pajama-clad body. "Wait, please! I'm not ready; I need more t-time!" He stuttered when Yamcha's hands slid up under his shirt. "Yamcha, I'll yell for Chiaotzu, I swear I will!"

That gave him pause. "Seriously?" he said, sitting up. "You'd rather yell for your kid brother to rescue you than have sex with _this_?" He gestured to himself. "People would _kill_ for a chance to sleep with me. Hell, people _have_."

Tenshinhan looked away, a faint blush over his cheeks. "I'm just not ready…"

Yamcha ran a hand over his face. "Fine. Fine! I'll give you a week to get ready. If you're ready early, then we'll fuck until we can't walk anymore. If not…" He trailed off, giving Tenshinhan a hard look. "I'll curse you up to your third eye."

Tenshinhan nodded enthusiastically. "Okay. Yes! Good! I agree to the terms!"

"Good." Yamcha rolled off him and stretched. "I'll see you around." With that, he popped out of existence only to reappear in the shed he'd spent the previous night in. He pulled out the pile of pilfered blankets he'd stashed away behind the hedge trimmer and snow shovels. It looked like he'd be needing those for a little while longer after all.

* * *

Tenshinhan lay on his back with one arm over his face, the other flung out to the side. One week. He had one week to get rid of Yamcha, to somehow find a way out of this deal. He could do it, probably. All he had to do was do some research. Tsuru-senin had an enormous library of books on demons. Surely there was something in there about making and breaking deals with them.

Although, now that he thought about it, Chiaotzu would be going off to perform his demon act at that retired politician's house soon. So his research was probably going to be interrupted by work at some point. Maybe he could convince Tsuru-senin to let him postpone that particular appointment, just until they got rid of Yamcha. After their last job they didn't need the money that badly right away, and while it was good to stay in the public eye he'd just performed two exorcisms in the same day not long ago. He wasn't going to be leaving the media anytime soon.

Thinking about work always helped calm him down. Tenshinhan moved his arm to the side so he could stare at the ceiling. His thoughts drifted idly from work to Tao Pai Pai. He frowned. Did Yamcha _really_ have to dislocate his wrist? Yes, he'd grabbed him, but that was a little over the top, wasn't it? It definitely went to show how strong Yamcha was, though. He could probably break Tenshinhan in half without a second thought, but instead he'd decided he wanted to seduce him. "You're not my type," he'd said to Tao Pai Pai. Did that mean that Tenshinhan _was_ his type? Did demons—especially sex demons—even _have_ types?

He wondered what having sex with an incubus was like. It wasn't like he had human sex to compare it to, but he imagined it was even more thrilling and breathtaking. Tenshinhan remembered how he'd felt when he kissed Yamcha, stiff and awkward but still exciting. He thought about how Yamcha handled him—rough, but without the intention to hurt. It was…surprisingly exhilarating.

Tenshinhan rolled over and cocooned himself in his blankets, hoping he could forget about the whole thing and get some sleep. He shut his eyes and tried to fall asleep, doing his best to ignore the fact that he'd started to get hard just thinking about Yamcha.

* * *

"Hey, wake up."

Tenshinhan rolled onto his side and refused to open his eyes. "Chiaotzu, there's leftovers in the fridge you can have for breakfast. I'm not cooking this morning."

"I have no idea who this Chiaotzu guy is, but I will _totally_ take your leftovers."

Tenshinhan was immediately bolt upright and staring around wildly. "Who's there?" he demanded. He didn't see anyone in his room, but that didn't mean they weren't there. He fumbled for one of the talismans he'd started keeping under his pillow. "I warn you, I'm an exorcist!"

"Oh, please." The voice was high and squeaky, and coming from the foot of his bed. A blue cat perched on top of the footboard, blinking dully at him. It washed its ears as Tenshinhan stared at it. "You're the worst exorcist I've ever seen. You don't even have any wards on your house! Even a lesser demon like me can get in without much trouble. The biggest problem I had was getting your window open."

"A talking cat," Tenshinhan mumbled numbly. "Okay, sure. Why not." He fell back into bed and pulled the covers over his head. Maybe if he ignored it, it would go away.

"Don't be an idiot," the cat said. "I literally _just_ told you I'm a demon. I've come to bargain on Lord Yamcha's behalf."

Tenshinhan sat up again. " _Lord_ Yamcha? He's some kind of demon lord?" Well if that wasn't the worst news he'd ever heard. He'd been dealing with some sort of demonic nobility this whole time and never known it.

"Well," the cat faltered, "not _exactly_." It hopped down onto Tenshinhan's mattress and stretched. "You can call me Puar. I'm Lord Yamcha's…retainer, I guess you could say."

"H-hello." Tenshinhan wished this was the strangest thing that had happened to him in the last 48 hours.

"So." Puar sat up and rubbed his nose. "You're the one who made a deal with Lord Yamcha."

Tenshinhan looked away. "Sort of? I guess."

"There's no 'sort of' in dealings with demons," Puar said matter-of-factly. "You agreed to let Lord Yamcha seduce you within the week. I'm here to try and convince you to do it sooner."

He squirmed. "I'm not sure I'm comfortable discussing this with a cat."

"Fine." The bed dipped with sudden added weight. "Is this better?"

Tenshinhan looked back at Puar and stared. In his place was a young man, somewhat squat and wide-eyed, a messy mop of blue hair hanging down in his face. His black eyes had flecks of yellow in them and they stared inquisitively up at Tenshinhan. "Well?" he said. "Is this better?"

Tenshinhan scrambled away. "You can shapeshift?"

Puar rolled his eyes. "Yes, I can shapeshift. Look, I have _one_ job right now, and that job is getting Lord Yamcha laid. You're my best bet because of your contract with him—"

"Contract?!" Tenshinhan's voice cracked. "Who said anything about a contract?!"

"You really are the worst exorcist ever." Puar slicked his hair back, only for it to fall back into his face again. "Anything can be a contract for a demon. Physical papers, actions and deeds, even the spoken word. By telling Lord Yamcha you would sleep with him, you became obligated. If you don't sleep with him now, you'll have to sleep with him later. But make no mistake: you _will_ be with him at some point."

Tenshinhan shook his head and threw back the covers. He definitely wasn't going back to sleep now. "I'm not sleeping with him. I'll find a way out of it."

"No, you won't," Puar said confidently. "There isn't a way out of it. And really, it'd be better for everyone if you did it sooner than later."

Tenshinhan looked back at Puar from where he was digging through his closet. "Why?"

"Well, for you, it means getting it done and over with, for one thing." Puar stretched his legs out in front of him. "And it means you don't waste your time and his trying to find a non-existent way out. As for me, it means my job is done faster."

Tenshinhan thought about it while he picked out clothes. "What about for Yamcha?" he finally asked. "Why would having sex—with me, specifically—make things easier for him?"

Puar didn't say anything. When Tenshinhan turned back to look at him, he was fidgeting with his fingers. "Puar. Yamcha's an incubus. There's literally nothing stopping him from going out and seducing some random girl instead of waiting for me to be 'ready' for him, which is never going to happen. Why does it have to be me, and why does it have to be soon?"

"I can't tell you," Puar said quietly. "It's—it's not my place. Ask Lord Yamcha and he might explain. But I promise you won't regret letting him seduce you." He perked up. "I could make it worth your time! I'll bring you a _huge_ basket of fish if you let Lord Yamcha seduce you!" He beamed. "Humans like fish, right?"

Tenshinhan sighed. "I don't need fish. And you can't bribe me into letting a demon have sex with me." He waved Puar off. "Now go on. Um. Scat. I have to get dressed."

Puar sniffed, offended, and with a puff of smoke turned back into a cat again. "You don't have to be rude. Go to the kitchen when you're dressed; I think you'll like what you find." With that, Puar scampered to the door and was gone.

Tenshinhan threw on his clothes as fast as he could and raced down the hall towards the kitchen. What the hell was going on _now_?

Yamcha turned and beamed at him when he stumbled into the kitchen with only one sock on. "Tenshinhan! You're just in time."

Tenshinhan pushed aside the warm feeling in his stomach when Yamcha said his name and folded his arms. "In time for what? What are you doing here?"

Yamcha gestured to the apron he was wearing around his waist. "Isn't it obvious? Breakfast!" He brandished the spatula in his hand with pride, gesturing to the kitchen table. Puar was already sitting at it, waiting expectantly. "It's almost ready, so have a seat."

"No way." He gripped his arm a little tighter. "This is going to count as another 'favour,' and then you're going to try to get me to repay you with sex."

Yamcha's smile faltered a little. "What? No. That's not—that isn't what I was thinking. I promise not to use cooking breakfast as another tally on your debt."

Tenshinhan narrowed his eyes. "Then you'll—I don't know, do something else. Like spike it with aphrodisiac."

"Oh for Dabura's sake." Yamcha rubbed his forehead with the hand not holding the spatula. "Look, I'm trying to get on your good side so you'll repay your damn debt here. I'm not going to _force_ you to have sex with me—"

"You sort of already are," Tenshinhan pointed out. "You gave me an ultimatum last night and everything! How is that _not_ forcing me to have sex with you?!"

"You're the one who agreed to have sex in the first place. I'm just giving you a time limit." Yamcha turned back to the stove and stirred something in the pan. Tenshinhan immediately averted his gaze—Yamcha wasn't wearing anything under the apron and he'd just gotten a full view of his _amazing_ ass and he really shouldn't be thinking about Yamcha's ass right now. "But I'm not going to throw you down and force myself on you. I told you, I have standards." He grinned at Tenshinhan over his shoulder. Tenshinhan's stomach did flip-flops at the sight of it. Yamcha was just so… _pretty_ when he smiled like that, all warm and genuine and not sexual at all. "Now sit down and eat some breakfast. I don't know what you like, so I just made a lot. Your brother can join us too, if you want."

As if on cue, Chiaotzu wandered into the kitchen and grabbed Tenshinhan's pant leg sleepily. "Tien, I'm hungry."

Tenshinhan picked him up, glancing at Yamcha. "Chiaotzu, don't freak out, but the demon from before made breakfast."

Chiaotzu's eyes widened. "Really?" He beamed at Yamcha. "It smells good!"

Yamcha smiled back and pointed at the kitchen table. "Have a seat! It's almost ready!"

* * *

Tenshinhan drummed his fingers on the desk. There had to be something. It was impossible that there was no way to break a deal with a demon. He just had to figure out how.

He rubbed his third eye and tried to concentrate on the book in front of him. It had been hours since he'd locked himself in Tsuru-senin's study with strict instructions not to be disturbed. Tsuru-senin and Tao Pai Pai still hadn't come back from the hospital, and while on the one hand Tenshinhan was worried, on the other he knew a dislocated wrist wasn't bad enough to cause any lasting damage. Besides, it gave him extra uninterrupted time to do his research.

He'd been there for a long time, though, and he hadn't found much. All he had so far was that making deals with demons was bad and to be avoided at all costs, but nothing on breaking them. One book went into excruciating detail on how to avoid making them in the first place, but it assumed that the reader would actually follow its advice and didn't say how to get out of a deal. Several books talked about why making deals with demons was bad, and really all they did was make Tenshinhan feel like an idiot. He got it, already, he'd screwed up, now how did he _fix_ it?

Arms wrapped around his shoulders from behind and he tensed. "Go away."

"You've been in here for hours." Yamcha rested his chin on Tenshinhan's head. "You should take a break."

"I'm not taking a break to have sex—"

"I was talking about having lunch." Yamcha leaned down to brush his lips against Tenshinhan's cheek. "But I rather like your suggestion better."

"Oh." Tenshinhan swallowed. "I'm not hungry."

Yamcha's fingers caught Tenshinhan's chin. "Then why not take a break for something else?" Before Tenshinhan could answer, Yamcha had turned his face and was kissing him gently. Tenshinhan's hands gripped his knees as he debated pushing Yamcha away. Knowing Yamcha, this would get uncomfortable fast, but…it also felt nice, and there was a part of him that wanted to keep going.

He actually whimpered when Yamcha pulled back. It was because he was surprised Yamcha hadn't pushed for more, not—not because he didn't want him to go. Yamcha smirked at him, eyes lidded, and maybe Tenshinhan was just getting used to him but he was actually starting to find it attractive. "Want to keep going?" he asked, reaching around to fiddle with the clasps at Tenshinhan's neck. "Or do you want to stop?"

Tenshinhan bit his lip. He was all confused. What did he want? "I-I—nothing below the waist," he blurted.

The smirk dropped off Yamcha's face and his eyebrows shot up. "Wait, really? You're—you're giving me permission?"

"I'm—" Thoughts whizzed through Tenshinhan's head faster than he could really comprehend them. He wanted this. Did he want this? What exactly had he just told Yamcha he could do? Did he really want to find out?

His eyes met Yamcha's. They still glittered with the beauty of polished gems, but there was an openness, an honesty to them that hadn't been there before. He couldn't tear himself away.

"C-call it payback for breakfast," he finally said weakly.

Yamcha smiled and shook his head. "I told you I wasn't going to ask for repayment for that." He grabbed Tenshinhan's chair and spun it to face him, leaning his hands on the hard wooden arms, caging him in. "But if you actually want this, I'm sure as Hell not letting this opportunity get away."

With that, he crashed his lips onto Tenshinhan's again. Tenshinhan's hands gripped his pants as he struggled to keep up. He didn't have much kissing experience, but even he could tell Yamcha was good. His lips felt awkward and sloppy against Yamcha's. He tried to move along with what Yamcha did, gladly opening his mouth when Yamcha's tongue pressed against it. Tenshinhan shivered as Yamcha's fingers caressed his throat, deftly undoing the clasps on his jacket. He moved away to wink at Tenshinhan before burying his face at the junction of Tenshinhan's neck and shoulder and sucking.

Tenshinhan's eyes fluttered closed. This—this wasn't so bad, actually. In fact it was pretty damn nice. His breathing quickened when Yamcha's hand slid into his jacket and across his bare chest. A finger rubbed around his nipple, flicking and teasing and tweaking. It was weird, and Tenshinhan squirmed, but he sort of liked it. Yamcha's other hand finished undoing his jacket and pushed it off one shoulder. His hands roamed across Tenshinhan's body, leaving fire and pleasure in their wake. Tenshinhan's head fell back and his mouth dropped open. He felt so _good_ , better than he ever had. His breathing came shallower and shallower as Yamcha caressed his body, and shakily he brought a hand up to tangle itself in Yamcha's hair.

"You're really getting into this," Yamcha murmured into his neck. Before Tenshinhan could gather himself enough to reply, Yamcha had moved back up to take his mouth again. His fingers wrapped themselves in Yamcha's hair—fine and smooth as silk; he hadn't expected it to feel so nice. Yamcha's mouth was just as hot as his hands, his tongue just as skilled. Tenshinhan brought his other hand up to rest on Yamcha's back and he heard Yamcha give a pleased hum. Despite everything, Tenshinhan hadn't ever really touched Yamcha before, and now he was wondering why not. He rubbed Yamcha's back and clutched his hair and Yamcha was making little noises into his mouth and Tenshinhan would be lying if he said it didn't feel good to know he was making Yamcha happy. He was on fire and he wanted to burn.

And then all of a sudden he realised he had an erection.

His eyes snapped open and he struggled to pull away. He didn't—he couldn't—he wasn't ready for this. Yamcha didn't seem to take the hint and pushed harder, rubbed faster, moaned louder. Tenshinhan bit down on Yamcha's lip and he yelped, pulling away with an affronted frown. "What was that for?"

"J-just stop," Tenshinhan stammered. He closed his eyes and tried to get his breath back. This was too much for him.

"Oh." Yamcha sounded pleased. "You were getting off from that, weren't you?"

Tenshinhan's face flamed red and he hastily covered his lap. "I-I wasn't—"

"You don't have to be ashamed." Yamcha kissed his cheek. "It's completely normal to get aroused from what we're doing." He kissed Tenshinhan's other cheek. "It feels good, doesn't it? Being touched like this." His hands rested on Tenshinhan's shoulders, fingers digging into them. "Let me keep going, Tenshinhan, and I'll make you feel better than you ever have." His lips were next to Tenshinhan's ear. "That's a promise."

"No, I—" Tenshinhan didn't have time to get any more protests out because Yamcha captured his lips again. But instead of the rough, hot kisses that Yamcha usually initiated, this one was slower, gentler, more like the one from the night before. He carefully rested a hand on Yamcha's waist, felt Yamcha smile against his lips before pulling back again.

"What do you say?" he asked. Tenshinhan gulped as a finger ran around the edge of his waistband. "Want to rescind your 'nothing below the waist' rule?"

Tenshinhan's head spun. He had no idea what he wanted. His body screamed at him to take Yamcha's hand and thrust it into his pants, to let Yamcha take his dues and make him feel as amazing as he promised. But it was just his hormones talking, he didn't actually want to have sex with Yamcha. Right?

"Oh," he heard Yamcha say, and Tenshinhan looked up to see his face was blurry. Why was everything blurry? Yamcha reached up and wiped at Tenshinhan's eyes and Tenshinhan was _crying_ , what was he crying for? "I'm sorry," Yamcha said, voice panicked. He tugged Tenshinhan's jacket back over his chest to cover him up. "I didn't mean to make you cry. You're really scared, huh? I'm sorry. I thought you wanted this; I wouldn't have pushed you if I knew you didn't." He wiped Tenshinhan's face again. "Are you okay?"

"I-I—" Tenshinhan's voice broke. He _was_ scared. He didn't know what he was so afraid of, but the fear was an icy ball in his stomach, preventing him from speaking. He stared up at Yamcha, watching the way his eyes shone with worry.

Yamcha pressed a kiss to the corner of Tenshinhan's third eye. "It's okay. We won't do anything else today. I'll leave you alone and—"

Tenshinhan grabbed his wrist. "Wait, I—don't leave," he said. Yamcha blinked down at him. "I don't—I don't want to be alone right now," Tenshinhan added. "Can you stay? Just for a minute?"

He was met with silence. Yamcha stared at him, those beautiful eyes boring into him, and—was he blushing? "Sure," he said after a moment. "I can stay." To Tenshinhan's surprise, he sat gingerly on his lap, carefully avoiding brushing against Tenshinhan's crotch. He wrapped his arms around Tenshinhan's neck and pulled him into an embrace. Somehow, it was both more intimate than anything they'd done before—Yamcha was half-naked on his lap, after all—and more comforting. Tenshinhan closed his eyes and let his arms encircle Yamcha's waist. Yamcha's heart beat in Tenshinhan's ears, slow and steady.

This was what Tenshinhan wanted, what he'd been looking for the whole time. Sure, the idea of sex with Yamcha was nice, but he wanted to be with him for other things, too.

His eyes snapped open. When had this started? When had he started thinking about holding Yamcha in his arms and letting the stress of the day wash out of him? When had he started thinking about actually taking Yamcha up on his offer of sex? When had he accepted Yamcha as a part of his life?

Oh, gods. That was why he'd started crying just now.

He'd fallen in love somewhere in the last few days, and he was terrified of his feelings.

"You want to know why I was crying in a closet when you first showed up to exorcise me?" Yamcha asked. Tenshinhan looked up at him as best he could without moving his head away from Yamcha's chest. "I'm terrified of girls."

Tenshinhan blinked and moved to look up at him properly. "You're _what_?"

"Hey, shut up," Yamcha grumbled. "I've never been able to handle them. At all. Even feminine demons. I just…" He swallowed, and Tenshinhan's eyes followed the bob of his throat. "I don't know what to say to them. How to deal with them. And it's terrifying."

"But…" Tenshinhan furrowed his brows. "You're an incubus."

"Yep." Yamcha shrugged. "And a damn good one, at that. But I can't sleep with women. Or feminine-presenting people." He grinned crookedly. "So being afraid of sex? It's not the weirdest fear in the world."

"I'm not—I'm not afraid of sex." Tenshinhan looked away. "I'm just—it's not sex that I'm afraid of, let's leave it at that."

Lips pressed to his temple. "That's okay. It's okay to be nervous. But when you're ready, I'll still be here." Yamcha winked at him when he looked back at him. "You think I'm forgetting our contract? Just because you're not ready today doesn't mean I won't try again tomorrow." Before Tenshinhan could say anything, Yamcha slid off his lap and offered him a hand up. "Seriously, though, you should eat something. You've been in here for too long. Chiaotzu was getting worried."

* * *

"What is it still doing here?"

Tenshinhan's blood froze. He abandoned his sweeping, turning quickly to bow to Tsuru-senin. "F-forgive me, sir," he stammered. "I have been searching for a way to get rid of Yamcha, but—"

"Don't speak its name," Tsuru-senin snapped. "You are such a disappointment."

"But sir—"

Tsuru-senin's eyes hardened, and his voice became dangerously low. "Are you about to contradict me?"

Tenshinhan hung his head. "No, sir."

"I didn't think so." He held his head high, back straight, hands clasped behind him. "I never thought I would have to teach you this, but there _is_ a way to break a deal with a demon."

"There is?" Tenshinhan asked apprehensively. When Tsuru-senin's eyes narrowed, he tried to appear relieved. "Oh, there is. Good." What could he say? That he didn't want to exorcise Yamcha? He didn't even want to think about how that would go over.

"You have to trick him."

"Trick him, sir?" Tenshinhan frowned. "How?"

"That's _your_ job." Tsuru-senin jabbed his finger into Tenshinhan's chest. "You brought it here, you get rid of it. If it's not gone before Tao returns in three days' time, _he_ will deal with it, and you will be _dearly_ sorry for it. Trick it into breaking your agreement itself. It's the only way."

"How am I supposed to do that? I'm—"

Tsuru-senin grabbed the front of Tenshinhan's shirt and yanked him closer. "I don't _care_!" he barked. "But you _will_ get rid of it in three days or you will _suffer the consequences_!" He gave a shove and Tenshinhan stumbled back. Turning on his heel, he stormed into his room and slammed the door.

Tenshinhan gripped the broom and tried to steady himself. In all his years living with the two brothers, he'd never seen Tsuru-senin so furious. He had to get rid of Yamcha—the last time Tsuru-senin was even half this angry Tenshinhan had been locked in a closet with no food and minimal water for three days.

But that was the problem: he didn't want to get rid of Yamcha. Not after his revelation that afternoon.

"What was _that_ all about?"

Something rubbed against Tenshinhan's ankles. He looked down to see Puar winding around his feet, an eye over his shoulder at Tsuru-senin's door. "What a grouch. Can't a demon seduce in peace around here?"

"Get out of here," Yamcha hissed. "If he sees you here too he'll be in an even _worse_ mood!"

Puar shrugged and a ripple ran through his fur, changing it to brown. "If anyone asks, I'm a stray cat Chiaotzu took in. So." He sat in front of Tenshinhan, head tilted, eyes unblinking. "What will you do?"

Tenshinhan shook his head and went back to sweeping. "I don't know." He paused, pointed at Puar accusingly. "You lied to me. You said there was no way to break my contract with Yamcha."

"There isn't." Puar shrugged. "You can't trick him into dropping the deal. He's desperate. If you try, he'll just pursue you twice as hard."

"Desperate?"

Puar's front paws flew to his mouth and his eyes widened. "I shouldn't have told you that."

"Puar." Tenshinhan knelt, grabbing the cat demon by the scruff of his neck before he could bolt. "Why is Yamcha desperate?"

"It's not my place to say!" Puar cried. "Ask him yourself!" He struggled out of Tenshinhan's grip and took off, dashing outside before Tenshinhan could go after him.

"Tenshinhan!" Tsuru-senin's voice came from through his door. "Who are you talking to out there?"

"No one, sir," Tenshinhan called back, standing up and turning to go find Yamcha.

* * *

"Ugh, that old guy?" Yamcha wrinkled his nose. "I didn't realise he was back already. What about the other one?"

"Tsuru-senin said Tao Pai Pai would be back in three days, and if I hadn't gotten rid of you by then, he'd do it." Tenshinhan kept his eyes on the floor, wracking his brain for a possible reason Yamcha would be "desperate," as Puar had said. What reason could he possibly have to _need_ to have sex with Tenshinhan?

"Well. You know what that means." Tenshinhan flinched as Yamcha draped his arms around his shoulders, smirking when Tenshinhan looked up at him. "You'd better get on that. Better yet, get on _me_." He wet his lips and winked. "You don't have to be nervous. I promise I'll take good care of you."

"I-I—" Tenshinhan looked away. "Why?"

"Take a shot in the dark." Yamcha leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Tenshinhan's jaw. "I'm an incubus. Seducing people is what we do."

"No, that's not what I mean." His hands gripped Yamcha's shoulders and he gently but firmly pushed him back. "Why are you so bent on seducing me? You could easily dump our contract anytime and go find someone easier to sleep with. I know how incubi work. You need sex to collect energy. When was the last time you had sex, Yamcha? You've got to be tiring by now. So why haven't you gone out and found someone else yet?"

Yamcha's glittering eyes were wide and—if Tenshinhan wasn't mistaken—panicked. "B-because—we have a contract."

"But if you released me, you could find someone else." This was working. He'd gotten Yamcha to think of other possibilities.

It made him feel like he was going to be sick, but it was the only way to get out of this without digging too deeply into the feelings he'd discovered earlier.

"I can't break a contract! Are you insane?" Yamcha scowled. It was the first time Tenshinhan had ever seen him genuinely angry, and it felt like a punch to the gut. "If I don't successfully seduce someone soon I'll—" He cut himself off, shook himself out of Tenshinhan's grip. "Never mind. It's not your business."

"What, Yamcha?" When he turned away, Tenshinhan grabbed him around the shoulders from behind. "What happens if you don't seduce me?"

"That's not your business!"

"You _made_ it my business by entering the contract! Deals go both ways, Yamcha, you could easily have refused my deal and just gone off with someone else, but instead you decided I was the easier target! What made you so desperate?"

"I can't go back!"

There was a pause as Tenshinhan processed Yamcha's words. "Back where? Hell?"

"No, the public library, _yes Hell_!" Yamcha snapped. He struggled against Tenshinhan's grip. "Let go of me!"

"Why not?" He held Yamcha tighter, pulled him closer to his body. He had to know. He had to find out what Yamcha's deal was. Something in him called to Yamcha, and he needed to know more about him if he was going to figure out exactly what he felt.

"Because I—" Yamcha choked. "I've never—with a human—I mean—"

"You've…" Tenshinhan blinked. "You've never had sex with a human?"

"Fuck you," Yamcha spat, but there was something in his voice, something wavering and wrong, and Tenshinhan realised he was on the verge of tears. "If you'd just filled your end of the bargain like you _should_ have, we wouldn't be in this mess."

Tenshinhan buried his face in Yamcha's hair. "But then I wouldn't—I—Yamcha, I think I have feelings for you."

Yamcha stopped struggling. "You have what?" He squirmed to look at Tenshinhan properly. Tenshinhan wished he hadn't been right about Yamcha being about to cry. His beautiful eyes sparkling with tears sent a punch to his gut.

"F-feelings." Tenshinhan swallowed. "I don't really understand them myself yet, but—they're there. And I don't know what to do about them."

"Is that why you were crying earlier?" Yamcha wiped the tears from his own eyes. "Because you were too afraid of how you felt to keep going?"

Well, the cat was out of the bag now. "Yes."

Yamcha's eyes hardened. "If you feel some kind of way about me, why are you pushing me to reveal something I obviously didn't want to talk about?"

"I deserved to know! And I was trying to find out more about you so I could figure my feelings out better!"

"It wasn't your business," Yamcha said harshly. "Now let me go."

Tenshinhan held him tighter. "If I do, where will you go?"

"Don't know. But I'll be back later." He reached up and patted Tenshinhan's face. "You've given me a lot to think about, but don't forget we still have a contract. I've finally found a human I can sleep with after a thousand years, and I'm not letting you get away with just a vague confession of feelings."

Tenshinhan gasped as Yamcha's tail pinched his ass, his grip on Yamcha slackening enough for him to slip away. "W-wait," he stammered. "When will you come back?"

"Tonight." Yamcha winked. "Wait for me." And he was gone.

Tenshinhan sat hard on the floor. That had gone…better than he'd expected. Even if he'd spilled his feelings all over everything. Yamcha wouldn't return them—he was a demon, demons didn't do love or romance. But it felt kind of good to have them out in the open. And who knew—maybe he'd come back saying that since Tenshinhan had fallen in love with him it voided their contract.

He pulled himself shakily to his feet and made for his bedroom. All he wanted to do for the rest of the day was lie curled in a ball and not think about anything.

* * *

Fuck.

Yamcha paced around the storage shed he'd taken over as sleeping space. Tenshinhan knew. He knew how much of a colossal fuck-up Yamcha was. How the hell was he supposed to seduce him now that he knew what a failure he was?

It wasn't like Yamcha hadn't _tried_ to not be afraid of women. He'd even built up a tolerance to women he thought were plain. He still couldn't sleep with them, but he could at least hold a conversation with them, which was more than he could do with women he thought were beautiful. But it wasn't enough. He could sleep with male demons to keep his energy up as much as he liked, but before he'd been summoned, he was told very plainly by King Dabura himself that he needed to seduce a human. "If you don't," King Dabura had said, "you will not be allowed back into our realm until you do."

Yamcha knew what he meant: an incubus who couldn't seduce a human was better off withering away and dying. And he had no intention of doing that.

When Tenshinhan first showed up, Yamcha just thought he was safe from dealing with his fear of women. (Hiding in a closet was a new low for him, but she'd—she'd been so _gorgeous_ that he just couldn't help himself.) But when he brought up Yamcha's quota, well, it seemed as good an opportunity as he was going to get.

And now there were feelings involved. Yamcha buried his face in his hands and tried not to scream. Tenshinhan had some kind of feelings for him. This wasn't supposed to happen. They were just supposed to fuck and then never see each other again. He'd already wasted so much time trying to get Tenshinhan to warm up to him.

At least his efforts weren't in vain—Tenshinhan didn't hate him and he wasn't afraid of him anymore. In fact he seemed almost used to him. Yamcha frowned. He was used to Tenshinhan, too. Tenshinhan and his nice house and chiseled features and _gorgeous_ ass. He appreciated Tenshinhan's finer qualities, like his morals and his obvious love of his brother and the little smile he gave Yamcha when Yamcha cooked for him that made Yamcha's neck flush. But standing around going over the reasons he'd fallen for Tenshinhan wasn't helping him get anywhere.

His thought process came to a screeching halt. Fallen for Tenshinhan? Had he? No, that was ridiculous—incubi and succubi didn't fall in love. Other demons could, sure, it was common knowledge around his little corner of Hell that Piccolo and Nail had a thing going on. But not incubi or succubi. They weren't wired for love, only lust. That was it, Yamcha was in lust with Tenshinhan, not in love.

"I love Tenshinhan," he said aloud, testing the words. They felt strange and awkward in his mouth, but the glow they brought to his chest was unmistakeable. "I love him," he said again, the words becoming easier with use. He wrapped his arms around himself. "Oh, Dabura, I love him," he whispered, eyes wide, mind helpfully conjuring images of him staying with Tenshinhan forever and not going back to Hell, the two of them holding each other after a long day, kicking the two old men out so it was just him and Tenshinhan and Chiaotzu and Puar in the house, safe and warm and happy.

No, this was stupid, it was a pipe dream and it would never happen. He couldn't have developed feelings so quickly, and neither could Tenshinhan. Yamcha would sleep with Tenshinhan (out of spite, at this point) and then leave for Hell and never look back.

His mind made up, Yamcha squared his shoulders and glanced at the sky. He'd told Tenshinhan he'd come back to him at night. He'd wait until the sun went down, and then all this would be over, one way or another.

* * *

Tenshinhan stared out his bedroom window as the last rays of light were taken by darkness. He hadn't come up with many answers. He didn't think he was really in love with Yamcha—they barely knew each other. Was Yamcha attractive? Yes, _gods_ yes. Did Tenshinhan want to have sex with him? He still wasn't sure, but his face warmed at the thought. Did he want Yamcha to stay afterwards?

Tsuru-senin had told him to get rid of Yamcha. But the more Tenshinhan thought about it, the more he realized didn't want to. He wanted Yamcha to stay with him. And that, in a nutshell, was the problem. He didn't want Yamcha to go. At first he'd resisted Yamcha because he was afraid that having sex with him would bind them together forever somehow. Now he resisted because he knew it wouldn't and he didn't want Yamcha to go.

But he only had a few days to get rid of him or Tao Pai Pai would do it for him, and if the things he'd taught Tenshinhan about fighting demons were any indications, Yamcha might not survive the encounter. Was it better to just do it and get it over with and pray that he'd get over Yamcha eventually, or drag it out as long as he could in the hopes he'd come up with some other answer?

Or maybe it was better to just be honest with Yamcha, tell him everything he felt and what he'd come up with.

Arms slipped around his waist from behind and he relaxed into them. "You're back."

"I said I would be." Yamcha's voice rumbled in his chest where it was pressed against Tenshinhan's back. "Are you ready for me yet?"

Steeling himself, Tenshinhan rested his hands over Yamcha's. "I was thinking." When Yamcha didn't say anything, he continued. "What exactly are the terms of our agreement? In exact terms."

Yamcha kissed Tenshinhan's neck. "I was to leave that property without anyone seeing me and never go back. You were to be a mark on my quota. Considering my quota is one, that pretty much fills it."

"What if—" Tenshinhan took a steadying breath. "What if I filled your quota multiple times over?"

"That—that's not in the contract," Yamcha stammered. His arms loosened around Tenshinhan's waist, and Tenshinhan turned around in his grip to look him in the face. His sparkling eyes were wide and round. "I mean, we could modify the contract so I'm here longer," he added.

"Couldn't you just stay?" Tenshinhan murmured, leaning forward to kiss him.

It was only the second time Tenshinhan had initiated a kiss between them—or at all—and he liked to think he did a better job than he had the first time. He tried to kiss slow, gentle, the way he liked it when Yamcha kissed him. It was brief, but Tenshinhan hoped he got his message across.

Yamcha stared dumbfounded at him. "You want me to stay? Here? With you? For how long?"

Tenshinhan shrugged and looked away. "I don't know. A week. A year. Forever. As long as you can. I've never felt like this before and I want you to stay until I'm sure how I feel."

"Do you…" Yamcha bit his lip, and Tenshinhan wanted to kiss him all over again. "Do you love me, Tenshinhan?"

"Honestly? I don't know." Tenshinhan shrugged. "But I'd like it if you stayed and we found out together."

Yamcha looked like he was considering it. "What about those old men? Don't they want you to get rid of me?"

Tenshinhan ran a thumb over Yamcha's cheek. "We can cross that bridge when we get to it."

A smile crossed Yamcha's face as he leaned into Tenshinhan's touch. "We?"

"Yes, we." Tenshinhan tried to smile back, but it felt wobbly on his face. "That is, if you stay."

"Well." Yamcha kissed Tenshinhan's cheek. "I guess I can stay for a little while."

"That's all I'm asking," Tenshinhan said. It wasn't. He wanted Yamcha to stay forever, but that wasn't realistic—they still scarcely knew each other. "Stay, and help me find out how I feel, and I'll be yours every night until you leave."

Yamcha's eyes widened. Now it was Tenshinhan's turn to bite his lip nervously. "Oh," Yamcha said, "I don't think I can refuse an offer like that." He leaned forward to knock their foreheads together. "We start tonight."

"Can't wait," Tenshinhan said weakly before Yamcha took his mouth.

He was nervous and tried not to appear too stiff. He gladly let Yamcha take the lead, opening his mouth to him when his tongue pressed against it. Yamcha crowded him against the wall, taking Tenshinhan's hands and placing them on his body. "You can touch me too," he murmured against Tenshinhan's lips before diving in for another kiss. Tenshinhan's hands shook as they slid up Yamcha's sides. He wanted to touch Yamcha, he just didn't really know how. He tried to remember what Yamcha had done with him that afternoon and rubbed one hand over his chest. Yamcha pulled back with a sigh and a grin and Tenshinhan's chest heaved. Nimble fingers undid his jacket and he moved away from the wall to take it off.

A knee brushed between his legs and Tenshinhan's brain stalled. Yamcha peppered kisses over his face, down his jaw, his neck, his collarbone, his hands running over his body and dipping lower and lower. Tenshinhan buried one hand in Yamcha's hair, the other at his waist. He squeezed his eyes shut and surrendered himself to Yamcha's hands.

Yamcha's tongue teased at one of Tenshinhan's nipples, and Tenshinhan gasped at the feeling. His breath came hot and heavy; he struggled to breathe as Yamcha tugged at the nipple with his teeth, rubbing and tweaking the other one with a hand. Tenshinhan's head fell back and the hand not in Yamcha's hair braced himself against the wall. His knees wobbled as Yamcha's other hand dipped below his waistband.

"Ready?" he murmured, and Tenshinhan nodded, reaching around to fumble with his obi. Yamcha's hands covered his, moving with him, and let his pants and underwear pool around his ankles.

Tenshinhan had never been naked with another person before. He was blushing, he knew he was, but hopefully Yamcha couldn't see it in the darkness. He looked away, too embarrassed to meet Yamcha's eyes like this—leaning against a wall, naked as the day he was born, about to lose his virginity to a demon. Then there was a hand on him, gently fondling, and he closed his eyes again with a quiet moan. There was a rustling, and Yamcha said "hello beautiful," the words sending warm air over his cock, and then he was engulfed in something hot and wet. His eyes snapped open and there was Yamcha on his knees in front of him, slowly sucking Tenshinhan's cock into his mouth.

It was unlike anything he'd felt before. Sure, he'd played with himself more than a few times over the years—he'd been incredibly grateful when he hit 18 and could have his own room. But touching himself was nothing like Yamcha's mouth. Yamcha's clever tongue slid around him, his lips stretched around him. Tenshinhan's head lolled to the side and his mouth dropped open, moaning and panting. He might have said actual words, but he didn't know what they were and he didn't care. His knees threatened to give out from under him and Yamcha's tongue teased at his slit and he cried out as he came, sliding down the wall as his knees finally gave up.

Yamcha crawled into his lap, wiping his face and grinning. "Well now. Was that so bad?"

Tenshinhan tiredly reached up and pulled Yamcha forward. He cupped Yamcha's face, his other hand resting on Yamcha's lower back, just above the waistband of his underwear. "That was amazing," he admitted.

"Regretting not taking my offer sooner?"

He smiled cheekily at Yamcha. "I think it's better this way. I get to have you more than once with this arrangement."

Yamcha's eyes widened, then he grinned. "You're a clever bastard, I'll give you that." His hips rocked forward and Tenshinhan realised he was still hard. "Well, clever Tenshinhan, want to give me a hand?"

"I could give you more than a hand, if you like," Tenshinhan offered, but he slid his hand into Yamcha's underwear anyway.

Yamcha gave a pleased hum and closed his eyes, resting his head on Tenshinhan's shoulder. "Maybe tomorrow night. If we were only doing this once I might take you up on that, but I think it'd be better to ease you into this." Tenshinhan nodded and gave Yamcha a stroke up his shaft. "Mm," Yamcha mumbled, kissing Tenshinhan's neck, "good. Keep doing that." He shifted around and wiggled his underwear down his legs, giving Tenshinhan more room to move. "Faster," he commanded, and Tenshinhan obliged. "More there," he begged, and Tenshinhan obliged. "Yes, like that—oh— _oh_!" And suddenly his fingers dug into Tenshinhan's arms, and he came all over Tenshinhan's hand and belly with a strangled yell.

They sat there for a few moments, Tenshinhan with an arm and lapful of Yamcha, wondering what they were supposed to do next. "Do you want to sleep here tonight?" he asked. Yamcha looked up at him and he blushed. "I mean, with me. In my bed! I mean just sleeping! Not the other thing! I mean—"

Yamcha shut him up with a gentle kiss. "I'd love to."

* * *

Tenshinhan's eyes blinked open. There were arms around him and a face pressed to the back of his neck.

Oh, right. Last night.

He chewed his lip. For once in his life, he had no plan. Tenshinhan had said he'd be with Yamcha every night until Yamcha decided he wanted to leave. And while he stood by that decision, he had no idea when that would be. For all he knew, Yamcha would leave that morning, or when Tenshinhan wasn't young and good-looking anymore, or not until Tenshinhan died—or maybe not even then, considering where Tenshinhan was sure he was going when he died.

But it wasn't even Yamcha that he needed a plan for.

It was his masters.

For so long, Tenshinhan had felt indebted to Tsuru-senin and Tao Pai Pai. But he could either have the security their endorsement provided him and Chiaotzu, or he could have Yamcha. He felt incredibly selfish wanting to choose Yamcha, especially after all the brothers had done for him, but after everything he'd been through, didn't he deserve a little happiness? And he could provide stability for Chiaotzu with or without Tsuru-senin and Tao Pai Pai. Maybe he'd have to get out of the exorcism business, sell the house, start up again somewhere new—there was all sorts of farmland for sale just outside East City; they could go there, have a simpler life.

Unfortunately, it wasn't the first time Tenshinhan had tried striking out on his own. When he first turned 18, he declared he was taking Chiaotzu and starting up his own exorcism business, not one overseen by Tsuru-senin and Tao Pai Pai. It hadn't gone over well. Tsuru-senin had told him that if he left they'd tell the media that he was a fake. If Chiaotzu hadn't intervened, he was fairly certain Tao Pai Pai may have killed him. At this point he stayed out of fear, not just for himself but of what they might do to Chiaotzu. But this time he was older and smarter, and Chiaotzu was older and stronger willed, and he had Yamcha. Surely together they could come up with some way to get away.

As far as Tenshinhan could see, he only had a few options, and he didn't like any of them. He could try and get Yamcha to leave again, which had worked _wonderfully_ so far and also wasn't what he wanted. He could try to hide Yamcha from the rest of the house, which he was pretty sure Yamcha wouldn't go for. He could run away, but he might get blackmailed back like last time. It shouldn't have mattered if he didn't plan on staying in the business, but he wasn't taking any chances on having angry mobs show up at his new doorstep.

The only way he could see was to get Tsuru-senin and Tao Pai Pai out of the way. He didn't want to kill them—they'd done too much for him and Chiaotzu. But he could surely find something on them to get them off his back. Some kind of counter blackmail he could threaten them with if they threatened to leak his secrets to the public. He knew they kept their hands clean of any involvement with his exorcisms, so that wasn't an option. His only hope lay in wherever it was they got the rest of their money from. Tenshinhan was sure it was something dirty and underhanded.

Yamcha shifted behind him and kissed the back of his head. "Morning."

Tenshinhan rolled to face him, heart melting at the sight of Yamcha smiling sleepily up at him. "Hi there." He brushed stray hair behind one of Yamcha's horns. "Sleep alright?"

"Mmhm." Yamcha stretched and wiggled closer. "First time in a real bed in ages." He gave Tenshinhan a kiss, then another, slow and sweet and lazy. "I'll go make something to eat," he said, moving to get up.

"Hold on." Tenshinhan sat up as well, grabbing Yamcha's wrist. "If Tsuru-senin sees you—"

"What's he going to do, huh? He doesn't know how to get rid of me and he knows it." Yamcha tossed his head. "If he means so much to you I'll make him breakfast, too."

"It's not just that." Tenshinhan gripped the sheets. "I need to get us out of here or we'll never hear the end of it, and I'm not leaving Chiaotzu with them. But I'm going to need your help."

A slow grin spread across Yamcha's face. "I'm _so_ here for trashing some asshole geezer's shit. What do you need from me?"

* * *

"By the order of the King of the World, interpreter of the will of Tian, I command you to leave this place!"

Yamcha's ear-piercing screech was highly convincing, as was Puar's new form. Wicked winds swirled around, kicked up by Chiaotzu's psychic powers. Tenshinhan stood firm as he did for all his "exorcisms," a grim smile on his face as he heard the crowd behind him cry out in fear. This would work. It would have to work.

"Evil spirit, be exorcised!"

He whipped his talisman at Puar and he dropped with one last howl from Yamcha. There was a puff of smoke, and then nothing as the winds died down and the smoke disappeared, leaving no trace of demonic energy.

Tenshinhan turned to the crowd, trying to make himself look righteously indignant. "You have all been deceived! For years, Tsuru-senin and Tao Pai Pai lived among you as friends, neighbors. But this whole time, they have been summoning demons and sending them after their enemies!"

"How dare you!"

And here came Tsuru-senin, right on cue, fuming and red in the face. "After everything Tao and I did for you, you—ungrateful brat! Where's your brother?"

"My only regret is not figuring you out sooner," Tenshinhan shot back, teeth clenched. Gods but he wanted to punch him in the face. "You caused so many of these good people such grief!"

" _You're_ the one who was harboring the demon, you little shit!"

Tenshinhan drew himself to his full height and sneered. "Of course I was. Which is why I _exorcised_ it. Don't be a fool, Tsuru-senin. You can still turn yourself in."

He could practically see steam leaking from his mentor's ears. "You won't get away with this."

"I should be saying that to you." Tenshinhan turned on his heel and strode into the house, leaving Tsuru-senin to the mercy of his public.

* * *

"They never hurt Chiaotzu."

Tenshinhan smoothed a sheet over the bed and glanced at Yamcha. He'd actually agreed to wear pants around their new house, if not a shirt, but that was progress, anyway. "Whenever something went wrong, or they were angry, they took it out on me. Honestly, I'm not sure Chiaotzu even knows why we had to leave them."

"Think it'll work?" Yamcha asked. He sat crosslegged on top of the dresser. Something Tenshinhan had learned about him in the last month they'd been living together was that he liked sitting on surfaces that weren't meant to be sat on. "I mean, if they haven't come after us yet, they probably never will, but you never know."

Tenshinhan gave him a smile. "You underestimate the power of having the public on your side. As far as the people are concerned, I'm a great and powerful exorcist who, having exposed a great lie and the reason I was so busy, decided to retire to a farm in the countryside. I had a great public image—Tsuru-senin and Tao Pai Pai didn't. I used that to our advantage."

Yamcha grinned crookedly. "Dirty and underhanded. I like it." He hopped down and flopped onto the freshly-made bed. "I can't believe this place is ours now."

"Yeah." Tenshinhan lay down next to him. "It's been a long day of moving boxes. Ready to turn in?"

Yamcha glanced at the closed door. "Chiaotzu's in bed?"

"He ought to be; I told him to go to bed an hour ago."

"Good." Yamcha leaned forward and kissed Tenshinhan. "Because I've got a few things I'd like to do to you." With that, he rolled Tenshinhan onto his back and clambered on top.

Tenshinhan slid his hands up Yamcha's arms and neck to tangle in his hair. "I love you."

Yamcha's grin was wolfish and needy. "I love you too. Now kiss me."

And Tenshinhan did.


End file.
